Guaranteed to fail

Your mom and I watched "Ender's Game" tonight.  There are so many things I could say to you right now, that this story makes me want to tell you.

For now, I'll focus on just one thought.

Your mom said she's watched a lot of sci-fi (and we all know she has). She says she thinks about the end of "The Terminator", in which Sarah Connor is driving away into Mexico, beginning to leave recordings for her un born son.

In some ways, that's what I'm doing here.  I'm leaving you notes that you may find and read in the future.  I'm hoping that, in their totality, they tell you things you find useful.  They may not be right, but at least it'll give you a lot of source material to try to understand your parents, and possibly yourself.  SO much of who we are comes wired into us from the beginning.  It doesn't mean we're fated, but we have to understand our most basic natures, and tendencies, and to start from the truth about ourselves if we wish to be able to become what we want. Starting with the truth as a fundamental assumption is always best.  Reasoning from falsehood doesn't usually lead to success.  Know and accept who you are, and after doing this, then choose who you want to be.  You can be what you want, but first you must know yourself.

Back to the Terminator.  As parents, we try to prepare our children for life.  We want them to be happy and capable. The problem is, the world changes quickly, and we don't know what the future holds.  I have to try to prepare you for a future that I can't anticipate. I'm sure that there will be some important aspect that I don't see coming, and hence fail to prepare you for.

Putting it another way, my parents did their best with me.  They taught me what they thought was right.  Some of it was very good for me, like emphasis on learning and school, doing my best, reading, books, ideas, eating dinner together, support for athletics and extra-curricular interests.  From my dad, I learned curiosity, open mindedness, love of sci fi and games.  From my mom's side I learned affection and humor.

But there were some ideas they passed on to me which didn't serve me well. They thought these ideas were good, because they lived by them. But they didn't work for me.

I know at some level, I'm doomed to repeat this. I will pass on to you the best of how I was raised, I hope, and I'll also try to do things differently, too, where I think different is better.  I'll do my best.  But I know some part of it won't be right, because the world will be different for you than it was for me.  I didn't have cell phones (until my mid 20's) or the internet (until college).  You'll grow up with technology and social change very different from what I saw, and I know I'll not get it all right.  I'm really sorry.  Know that I'm doing my best, with what I know to be true at the time.

Love you so much.